7 Must-Dos before Considering a Divorce
Ending a relationship is never an easy thing, but for many people it can be difficult to come to the obvious conclusion. If you’ve tried for a long time and don’t see any fruit from your effort, it may be time for a new perspective on your approach.
Of course for many cases, it may already be too late, especially if one of you has gone past the point of no return. By the time my wife and I divorced, our relationship was far past redemption. Even though I was putting in the work by researching, reading books and speaking to relationship counselors, it was too little too late. You can avoid making the same mistakes by using this article to shake up your outlook and give you a new way of approaching your problem.
You should never tell your spouse you want a divorce without at least considering these very easy steps. It may not change the outcome, but at least you know you exhausted every effort, turned over every stone in an attempt to stop a divorce.
Nobody enters into a marriage thinking that it will end in a divorce. When you are having marital problems, it’s easy to focus the blame on your spouse and think that your divorce won’t be that difficult or it won’t be that bad. If you are in this vein of thought, you should stop right there and realize that it WILL be that bad.
Divorce is never easy and always a messy and horrific affair. It rarely ends well and can lead to significant emotional damage to you and your spouse, not to mention your children if you have any. Going through these seven steps can enable you with a newfound perspective and insight, and may even lead your spouse to wonder what you are doing, and maybe even participate.
As you go through these seven steps, realize that some situations are beyond repair or even your effort. Abusive relationships or ones where there’s been a serious breach in trust are obvious ones that you don’t belong in. These steps are not meant to cover these kinds of situations, and if you find yourself in a relationship of this manner, find the fastest method of resolution by moving on.
- Watch the TED shows
There are quite a few shows from TED that can help you gain new insight to your plight. Each one of these shows should be watched and carefully considered. Try to approach these eight shows with an open mind and consider what the underlying message is and how to apply it to your problems.
It’s best if both you and your spouse watch these shows, but if this is a problem you will still gain from watching them. It’s important to keep an open mind during these shows, and there are eight of them in total. Try to watch one a day and discuss with your partner before moving on to the next one.
- Find your love language
Breaking down the barriers and discovering your love language can help you overcome anger and problems in communication. Taking this short survey on the 5 languages website can help you find a new way to express your love.
Ask your partner to discover their love language as well, to help the both of you find a middle ground of compromise. The quiz can help you identify acts of love from your partner as well as increase your effectiveness in displaying forms of affection towards your spouse.
3. Read the Zimzum of Love by Kristen and Rob Bell.
This incredible book has shown many people what the true meaning of marriage is. There are many points that help illustrate what the bond between you and your spouse really represent. Once you see what this bond means to both you and your partner, you are better equipped to communicate and keep this sacred bond alive throughout the tough times.
This is done by reminding you and your spouse that marriage is always an “us” proposition instead of a “I” or “you” situation. Challenging and thoughtful, this book can help you and your partner protect the sanctity that marriage represents.
- Take some time to yourself
If it makes sense financially it may be a good idea to take a trip by yourself or spend a prolonged period of time alone. This can help you clear your head and more importantly realize what life could be without your spouse.
This kind of trip can also help you take a step back and see the big picture, instead of focusing on the day to day grind that marriage can become. It can also help you miss your spouse and get back to the foundation of love and respect that your marriage was borne from.
5. Shut out the world
There are many external forces that can sway you towards negative feelings of resentment. When you are fighting for your marriage, take the high road and shut out these external voices that many times have little to lose in your relationship. Invest yourself in your marriage by taking long walks and thinking internally about the problems and issues at hand.
6. Sit down and have the hard talk
It’s never easy to sit down and deal with the issues at hand, but it’s something that should be done before proceeding in a divorce. This article on divorces is an eye-opening illustration of what’s required for you to see the big picture.
It’s a good idea to approach this talk as an idea, as opposed to a complete resolution. After all, there’s little chance you can clear the air and discuss the grievances in just one sitting. Avoid speaking about divorce as a means to an end, and instead approach the situation as a means to improve your relationship.
- Seek therapy
Its cliché and often difficult for men and women to approach marriage therapy, but it can help to have a third party present to help resolve your issues. Mediation and therapy can help any marriage problems but only if you both have an open mind towards the resolution and are willing to make changes to your attitude and outlook.
Many therapists use technology to improve their services, and some even allow for therapy counseling to happen online over Skype or a similar chat device. The main purpose of therapy is to realize the problems and hurdles that both of you place in front of yourselves, and avoid making the same mistakes that led you to this situation.
It’s never an easy thing when you are having marital problems, but these seven steps can help you salvage your marriage when it seems as though divorce is the only resolution. Use these tips to help you find a common ground, and to make headway in your efforts to avoid divorce and save your marriage.
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