IveMovedOn to Dating

IveMovedOn to Dating

Leap of Faith & Possible Failure to Launch

It’s just like riding a bike!

No, actually it’s not. I can ride a bike. I know how to turn, steer, break… and probably still ring a bell… but dating, nope. After a decade it’s more like hand gliding on a very blustery day.

Hang on!

Looking back, we were all cool, good-looking, Latin lovers (even though I was from England). Smooth as James Bond, with wit, charm, and an irresistible crooked tooth.

Hold on a second. Yes, hindsight can definitely be a little foggy, although the snaggle tooth was there and not irresistible and forced into American orthodontics in my early 30’s.

Rather than James Bond, I was more of a Hugh Grant (not the bathroom one) but more the slightly embarrassed, stuttering tongue-tied youth, who was not great at communicating with girls. To look at my straight-toothed handsomeness today, you would never believe… well, that was until my divorce, and I had to talk to girls again who were not relatives or work colleagues.

The art of communicating with the opposite sex and actually sounding cool and interesting is really, really hard. Especially when you realize how hard you’re trying. Today, one also gets to stutter and look like a goober in a topless mirror selfie for the online world. (Guy/girl tip – I have a Seinfeld sensibility. If your shot includes a dirty bathroom, towels on the floor, or half a toilet roll… it’s just all a no. Actually, for guys I believe it’s always a no).

So here’s some simple cycling/flying tips:

  • Make Short Trips – No marathons on your first steps out the door. Keep it simple. Coffee not dinner… That’s a long time with someone that you’ve just met and immediately realized they are insane and want to share their 12 cat pictures with you.
  • Build Stamina – Relationships and communicating are a skill. Don’t go on one date, mumble about a fear of bananas (I had this one, true story) and give up. Have good manners, make good choices, be positive and the right one will come along.
  • Practice – Enlarge your surroundings, try something new. Maybe take a class, or join a singles trip. Search online as there are plenty of things to do that you would enjoy whilst getting to meet new people. Tongue-tied? Make a list of 10 simple questions to ask that are open-ended and interesting. Be prepared to answer your own questions, and don’t be creepy…
  • Do things YOU like and want to do and include others. In the end of the day you want to find someone who likes to do some of the things you enjoy. So go take an art class or try wine tasting. If they prefer TV and tequila shots, probably good idea to skip.
  • For the single parents, you will and should turn into a pumpkin by 9… No not AM. You can never make a poor decision putting your kids first. On a date, make sure they know you have kids and your schedule puts them first, but also talk about your personal passions. And most of all, have fun.
  • Have Fun – People like hanging with people who are fun. (Not fun = wild. A roller-coaster is great for about two minutes. No one wants to spend their life there.) Just relax, tap the breaks occasionally, and stick to the path.

 

What is your funniest experience on a first date?

Let us know in the comments section or send us a note.

 

Love from around first base,

Thom

P.S Here are a selection of helpful books.

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About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 219 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of ivemovedon.com. Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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