Love life or loving life?
Mum – “How’s your love life?”
Thom – “I’m uncomfortable with this line of questioning.”
Mum – “Well it’s been 7 years, I mean you’re not getting any younger. You need someone in your life.”
Thom – “Ok”
Generally the best way to answer and deflect this one or prepare for another full round of worry and concern. My mum loves me. A lot. And she is an amazing person. You all think you have the best mums in the world, but I do. Sorry, but it’s true, and I’m not just saying that as it’s not Mother’s Day and I forgot again…
My mum the world traveler, ballet-dancing, actress and circus performer then juggled her three children and multiple jobs to get us moved out of the nest as positive, funny, loving and independent people. I know that she genuinely worries about my being a single parent and what she sees as alone. As independent as she has been her whole life she worries… so, it’s easier to deflect. A hint of a relationship and she is rolling out the red carpet and picking the hymnals. OK that’s an over exaggeration, as I know she really just wants me to be happy.
And that’s the hidden truth. I am. Very happy and content with my “single” life. Content with the level of interaction and time spent with loved ones and family. After so many years married, I like that I can have some space and decisions on my own. Not in a selfish this is Planet Thom kind of way, but one in which it has taken me a long time to come to peace with who I am, where I am, and where I want to go. I am definitely more open and prepared to settle, as I think I know what I am and am not looking for, but sorry mum maybe not quite yet.
So the answer to the question is the reverse.
Are you Loving Life?
Through IveMOvedOn I have come into contact with hundreds of divorced individuals over the years and though each have their own story, they generally start by following the same path. Not matter if you are the person leaving the relationship or the one left behind, you have to go back to “Start” (there is definitely no $200 for passing Go…) and find your bearings.
Where are you?
What do you want?
Where do you want to go?
How and when do you want to get there?
Without spending time pondering these great questions you will be on the “Life” boat drifting aimlessly without a rudder. Most divorcees spend time in the boat. It’s ok to float around and find yourself. Just understand that you’re probably not going to make any great life decisions whilst in the boat especially when it comes to new relationships.
Both physically and emotionally, you have to get your bearings.
P.S. Your journey is rough enough, make sure you utilize times and tools that can help steer you in calm/calmer waters. Check out www.SupportPay.com and their free app. Take the arguments out of the ex. Leave the money arguments with the simple, trackable facts.
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