Old Chains, Bonds and Bones

Old Chains, Bonds and Bones

Like Old Marley in A Christmas Carol,

What are you still bound to?

What are you still bound to?

Do you walk around shaking the chains of your old marriage?

Parts of me have been rattling for years. Removing old bonds is not an easy process especially if your relationship was a long one. Mine had almost two decades of flow under it’s bridges and that’s a lot of memories and a lot more habits. Its easy to find yourself complaining about your ex, and what they did, didn’t do, are about to do, and things never done but this is a toxic cycle whose claws never let you truly move on.

Have you ever found yourself with a negative person? They bitch and moan about all of the unfair cards life has dealt them? These are not fun people that you want to hang around with or grow a relationship with. In fact, when confronted by “Moaning Myrtle” you should flee immediately feigning a highly contagious illness. Because that’s what negativity is, a highly contagious illness that can quickly take hold and turn you into a bitter angry person.

Now I still catch myself cursing and bemoaning the ex, their new life and their past faults. Like the shrieking moan of the old ghost rattling his chains that visited Scrooge, you also can walk through life carrying the weight of another’s chains.

After a good “bitch & moan” session, I don’t feel any better. It’s like riding the horse on the Merry-go-round and thinking its taking you somewhere new. You just keep visiting the same old places and seeing the same thing. The definition of madness goes something like “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome”

“Its like riding the horse on the Merry-go-round and thinking its taking you somewhere new. You just keep visiting the same old places and seeing the same thing”.

So how to shed those chains?

  • The Axe – A swift clean break, but not worth the loss of a limb. Understand that change takes time as does developing new routines, or habits. We all trip on our journey, so returning to old places and memories is going to happen. Blocking and not dealing with the past is only going to frustrate you in the future.
  • The File – Slow and steady wins the race. Pace yourself, understand that your emotions and your routine are a process. Move forward one link at a time.
  • Toenail Clippers – I’m sorry but even the mental image of this is grossing me out. But it is what it is. Like slowly picking on a scab (again sorry)… Make a decision. Write down what issues you have with your past, then move on.

So Goldilocks, what’s it going to be? Hacking, picking or taking your time to work through your emotions and slowly dropping those heavy chains?

Make the decision to start fresh each day. Think positively, and plan for your future. Who you want to be, what you want to do and when you want it to happen. And be realistic of what you think you’re ready for (I know half of you said astronaut…)

Do what works for you, get out the bolt cutters (missed that above and really makes more sense) and get going. Remember we are here to help.  Also check out our local listings for counseling and therapists Here or read more from IMO’s team of family, coach and therapy contributors Here.

Happy filing,

Thom

 

 

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About author

Thom Slade
Thom Slade 213 posts

“Healing for the broken hearted. A map, guide and community to move on positively/fantastically in life with a healthy beaming smile”
Thom. Thom is the originator and alter-ego of ivemovedon.com. Divorce Survivor, Single Parent, and now moving on to new adventures in Life. Follow his journey here every week, or on Instagram and Facebook.

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