Why Me? Well…Why Not Me? One Therapist’s Look at Failed Relationships
Do you ever wonder if there’s a light that shines down on certain people and bestows upon them nothing but success in
all areas of life? It sure seems that way sometimes doesn’t it? I’ve had pretty great success with making fantastic friends—I just seem to draw in really awesome people. I’ve also had a pretty successful career life. My success in these areas all stemmed from three factors: genuine caring, my ability to listen well and a keen observation of patterns. It is an art form for me and I’m very grateful for those gifts.
So why should it be that someone who has an innate abilities like these, be so utterly ignorant in intimate relationships? With advanced degrees in psychology and counseling, one would think it would work to my advantage, wouldn’t one? WRONG. Even though I saw the patterns and could even predict the next crazy move of any of my exes, I was always emotionally “blindsided” by the expected behavior.
And so it is with so many friends, family and clients I’ve known throughout the years. Of course there are the rare few that find their lifelong love right away and have wedded bliss until they die. But the rest of us have some battle scars. But my purpose here is to tell you: you’re not alone. Relationships are a hotbed of complex, tangled emotions, ideologies and familial patterns. But you’re not destined to be that person living on repeat. Far from it.
At the end of the failing relationships (and even during a dry spell of no dating at all) I’d inevitably ask why me? Why can’t I get this right? Well, now, with some distance and wisdom (30+ years of dating, marriage, divorce and more dating) under my belt I realize I should’ve been saying why not me? These were all opportunities to get to know who I really am and what I really, really wanted out of an intimate relationship and more importantly, what I had to give. In the entire world of billions of people, I have a unique set of gifts to share with someone who can truly appreciate them.
All of my failures have made me so much more appreciative of what I have now with my beloved of 5 years. Each failed relationship taught me what I would expect from my future beloved; and what I would no longer, under any circumstances settle for in my life. This helped not only in intimate relationships, but in other areas of my life, too.
And this is why I do what I do and why I am fully and totally passionate about what I do. I want to help others find new patterns and new ways of seeing a more predictable life path. Life is constantly showing us evidence of where to go and what to do. We just have to learn to see them and know their validity. I look forward to answering your questions and getting to know you! it’s going to be a wonderful, clear pathway to a brighter future than you could possibly imagine.
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